We have all put up with being treated badly at some point in our lives. But if it happens in a relationship we are showing our partner that we don’t respect ourselves. You are endorsing their view that you are only worthy of the unacceptable way they are treating you. Each time you go back and forgive them, you are reinforcing their bad behaviour.
People can only treat you in ways that you allow. In essence, you give permission and furnish people with knowledge of how you want to be treated. So, if you are settling for someone’s poor treatment or halfway efforts, you are silently telling them, “Thank you. This is how I want you to treat me, and I like it.” They don’t understand any alternative other than the messages you are giving them.
Is it due to self-confidence?
I think the underlying answer is the amount of self-confidence we portray. Lots of nice people are not that self-confident, and it shows in their body language, the way they carry themselves, etc. Those people are the first to be targeted by the abusers. People who strong and self-confident don’t usually get targeted or abused. The abusers know that these people will stand up to them and their toxic ways.
The abusers think they are better than anyone else, whether they say it or not, and it shows. They create an air of self-confidence. The abusers only target easy prey, because deep down are not that self-confident. That’s why they bully, so they can feel better about themselves.
People are treated in ways they don’t like because:
1) They receive the love they want on a rationed basis, and they put up with the poor behaviour in the hope of earning more love at a later date.
2) Their self-confidence is so low, they feel it’s all they deserve and they are thankful for what they receive.
Why do we allow others to shape who we are?
I was being treated based upon how I believed I should to be treated. I was giving away my opinions, freedoms and views to someone who had no business to take control of it.
By allowing others to demean and put you down, you are allowing false perceptions that are wrong and not your own. The longer this is allowed to happen the harder it will be to stop it.
My life experiences
In my job as a paramedic, I have had the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life. What I have learned from others along with my own life experience is that life is battle of survival and endurance and we allow people to treat us badly—both consciously and unconsciously.
We allow others to criticize, judge, abuse, and diminish us because we couldn’t find our words to defend ourselves as we may feel unworthy or grateful. I believed that at times I deserved it, and felt privileged that someone took the time to highlight my faults. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I want to share the fact that this is wrong.
Perhaps my ex was aware of her own inabilities and faults but pointed out mine to hide her own weaknesses and fallibilities. This does make her to be a tragic figure but she knew she was doing wrong by allowing it to continue when I realised it was wrong.