Feelings of guilt over a failed relationship
I can now see that the abuse in my relationship arose over time. Perhaps it stemmed from her insecurities. Therefore, I found it easy to compensate for her behaviour, even when she was being abusive.
Most people, even abusive people, have some good qualities and I continued to try and remember her for those assets. Yet the bad ended up over shadowing the good
Was I too compassionate?
I tried to understand her changing frame of mind. As a result I put up with her explosions, poor behaviour and abuse. I eventually found that I was compromising my own self-respect and dignity.
You can have compassion for someone’s flaws but you should not accept being overwhelmed by abuse or fear.
How it feels to live in an abusive relationship
I found that I lived in a defensive, fearful state. I could not speak my mind and did anything to avoid conflict, even apologising for things I had not done. As a result I found that I was living in a constant state of dread and a deep sense of insecurity.
Listen to your inner voice
Despite feeling guilt, fear, or feeling like a failure, you must remind yourself that leaving an abusive person is an act of self-protection and self-respect. I can say this now, but when I reflect on what happened, I knew it was wrong. I tried to stay in the relationship for the relationships sake, but it was dead long ago.
Record events and feelings
As stated in my previous post – The Importance of Keeping a Record.
This must be done to remind yourself how things can easily spiral out of your control and as a piece of evidence when things turn really nasty.
STOP DWELLING ON FAILED RELATIONSHIPS THEY FAILED FOR A REASON REFLECT ON THEM LEARN FROM THEM GROW FROM THEM
— (cry)stal (@DJFATCOCK) June 29, 2017