Enough Is Enough

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It’s 23:55 here in England as I write this blog. Yes, it is late for me as I love my bed and I love to be tucked up nice and early.

I’m certainly a creature of habit because when I climb into bed I have a usual routine. Firstly, I turn the TV on, pop a pill then check my phone. Sometimes I may read or hear something that will inspire me and I make a note of it for the morning.

However, tonight its slightly different.

Double edged sword

I always check Facebook. Yet I have found Facebook to be a double-edged sword. It has been a fantastic outlet for me to be heard. During my conversations, I have come across some absolute amazing people of whom I never would have met otherwise.

Thank you

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression Enough Is Enough

I want to pay particular praise to my American friend Hal Halmbodt for giving me feedback with what I say. He is an extremely intelligent man whose points of view I hold in high regard.

I want to heap further praise to Jan Skyler, although she lacks confidence she has so many values that only she can’t see. Which is such a shame.

I want to say thank you to Tracy Reading too. Little does she know that the few words of encouragement she gave me in the early days of my blogging were immeasurable.

Liz (you know who you are). You have been more than a rock to me. Words could never fully explain how grateful I am to you for just about everything.

There are so many more people I could thank. And I will at some point. But look at the list, it contains both men and women.

In fact, when I look at the demographics of this website it is predominately read by females. And I embrace this. This blog was to talk about my experiences as a male and I am pleased to see that it has not become a beating stick against women. That’s just not my style. Depression doesn’t discriminate and neither does domestic abuse – and neither shall I.

But here is the rub.

Like I said Facebook is a double-edged sword. It has a side of which I am getting deeply concerned about.

I have joined a number of groups that are supportive in their approach to people either with depression or difficult break-ups. I have found them to be fantastic with both sharing and understanding other people and their experiences.

Ignorant, offensive and abusive

But I am deeply concerned about a constant point being raised that is ignorant, offensive and very abusive.

Time and again I have read comments blaming all men for abuse and time and again I comment that abuse is not gender specific. Yet it is allowed to perpetuate without being formally challenged.

These things are not gender specific

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression Enough Is Enough

When I seriously think about it most of my woes have stemmed from females. I had a violent and abusive mother. I have just left an abusive relationship and so on. But I know fully well that these individuals do not represent a gender as a whole. That would be ignorant and foolish to argue so.

I accept that there are some very nasty men out there, but please recognise that some women can hold that label too.

One person does not represent a whole section of society

To put this another way, I once saw a white sheep in a field. But this does not mean all sheep are white. So how dare some people post on-line that they either ‘do not trust men’ or ‘men abuse’ to even at one point (and I read it tonight) that ‘all men are potential rapists?? How does this work? Have these individuals met every male on the planet to consider such a view as valid? We all know the answer to that one don’t we.

In essence, the person who spouts this kind of poison really needs to be re-educated because their education to date is somewhat lacking.

Ignorance perpetuates the problem

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression Enough Is Enough

If these individuals insist that abuse is gender specific then society will never be able to tackle the problem. Abuse is not a gender problem, it is an individual’s problem. By insisting that all men are abusers then they are abusing a specific group themselves. Therefore, they become the abuser. Perhaps these people need to have a damned good look at themselves before they throw these words around like confetti. All you are doing is showing the world your level of ignorance and perhaps you are not the victim you claim to be,

The good qualities in people

If I took the approach that all women are abusers (and based on my personal history it could be justified) then I would have missed out on meeting, talking and working with some amazing females.

During my lifetime, I have been both blessed and lucky enough to meet some amazing women. I work with some great females who are utterly amazing at their jobs. Also, I have had some amazingly life changing conversations with females. I can equally say that I have also had the same experiences with males.

Are you serious?

If you are really serious about ending domestic abuse then stop abusing others based on your own shallow points of view.

I know I have faults, I’m sure I have many. But I object to being judged by someone who judges me based on my gender. All you are doing is making your own gender look stupid. In a harmonious world there is no room for such comments to make any sense.

By continuing this rhetoric you will find yourself lonely, bitter and ignorant. But most importantly, you will miss out of the richness of what life has to offer (regardless of what gender you are).



6 Replies to “Enough Is Enough”

  1. The easiest thing in the world is blame the partner as they take no blame what so ever.
    They become obsessed with lying and believe in it.
    The truth will always come out in the end. Wait and see

  2. Keith, I am so pleased to see this post. I have also endured a one-way street with some of the groups I tried. I have found that the anxiety support groups, have actually given me more anxiety over the rules & regulations that “The” place. However, they did not allow another post in order to help others with just that…Help one another with “Anxiety.”
    I fully agree with you in regards to gender based abuse. Been there, seen that. In both cases, I was astonished at the behavior.
    I am so pleased you shared this one, and I am happy I read it!!! Thank you, Beckie

    1. Hello Beckie.
      I just love your reply. You’ve hit the nail on the head and as for your comment about the anxiety group, I just had to laugh.
      I just feel in our time of need we need as many positive people around us as possible and I don’t want to reject someone just because they don’t fit a narrow minded criteria. I don’t know you personally but I would be here for you if you needed me and I’m sure it would be vis-a-versa. Thats the way it should be in life.
      I was really cross last night when someone said all men are rapists – did that include me because if it did then this person knows something about me that I’m not aware of? No one has the right to say such a thing and it needed to be said.
      Please carry on reading my blogs and again, I thank you for your time to comment. I really do appreciate it.
      Thank you Beckie

  3. There is a war on men today. It is fueled by sexist, hateful bigotry. None of the good men do is acknowledged. Bashing and crushing men is seen as doing good now. So… let’s just acknowledge. It’s a war.

    Now what are we going to do about it. Here are the options:
    1) Give in. Give up. Lose everything. Become a hated subhuman oppressed underclass. NOT GOOD.
    2) Fight back. We know what happens when wars escalate. It never ends. It’s just gets nastier and more damaging and turns more and more to terrorism and things of that nature.
    3) Stop the war. But how? HOW?

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