Depression. Why are men so bad at admitting that they have it?

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What is the difference between depression and feeling down?

There is a clear difference between depression and feeling down. To put it simply depression is physically painful and swallows you whole. But men are so bad at admitting that they have depression

I was never really one to share my feelings or emotions with anyone and this became a problem within itself. I found it difficult to share what was going on and even more difficult to admit that I felt a failure and was a victim of my female partner. It was often found that I was justifying her actions and felt that in some way I deserved what I got. I was made to feel grateful that she was questioning everything I did or challenging my thoughts and feelings.

Understanding depression – website

How did it feel to see no way out?

During my relationship with my ex I felt as if I had a bag over my head. I could not see where I was going or what was happening and I just could not breath.

Following my encounter with the police I quickly learnt that everything I believed to be true, was clear nonsense. As previously stated, I was always led to believe that the police were there to protect us from harm. Yet when I needed their help the were far from helpful. As a result my long lack of trust was further cemented. I hated the world I was living in and hated what I knew to be true. Life became physically painful and it was a real effort to do the simplest of things like getting up or eating.

You can understand when people say that living is more painful than dying.

Bad habits become a way of life

It took a while to realise that the cause of my problems were no longer present in my life. Yet, I still had the habits of feeling that I needed to tell someone where I was or what I was doing. I had fear of going home, not knowing what to expect as I walked through the door and being verbally and emotionally abused. It also took a while to realise that her allegation of assault (spitting) had no foundation or evidence and was based on sheer spite as she found out I intended to leave her.

It has changed me

Of course, the recent events have and will change my perception of the world around me. I’ve considered a new career. I’m tempted to just disappear and starting again somewhere else. I’ve considered so much but why should I run when I’m the victim? Yet, I’ve been suspended from work, I can’t see my daughter and I’ve lost my home. Would this have happened if I had been female? I very much doubt it and the proof is in the status quo of my ex.

I still don’t think I’m anywhere near full recovery and I expect to find myself falling again once all of this is over. But I’m more prepared for it this time.

Rethinking depression – website