My major concern throughout all of this has been whether I will be believed or not.
It took a massive step to admit what had been going on at home. In essence it was her final attempt at belittling me that made me go.
Throughout my relationship with my ex she often reminded me at how she could get any man eating out of her hand and often gloated about her achievements with members of the opposite sex. She made it quite clear that her blonde hair and blue eyes could help her get away with anything.
Police failure to deal with domestic abuse in men
Peter Hook and Caroline Aherne
Whilst reading around this subject I came across an article about Caroline Aherne (Royal Family fame). It transpires that Caroline inflicted all kinds of abuse on her husband Peter Hook (Joy Division and New Order bassist).
Peter Hook married Aherne in Las Vegas in 1994 but the pair split three years later.
What goes on behind closed doors
What struck me was that the public persona clearly does not reflect what goes on behind closed doors. This was my case also. To family and friends she was seen as meek and polite. Unfortunately, my father fell for this facade and never made any form of contact with me to ask me what had gone on. In fact it was suggested to me that perhaps my father thought he had a chance with her – she would have loved that. Yet behind the scenes she was abusive, threatening and far from the image she had created for public viewing.
Peter Hook came under criticism as he revealed what had been going on after her death. (Caroline Aherne’s brother hits back at Peter Hook’s ‘disgusting’ abuse claims)
Yet I can appreciate the fact that he may have felt he would not have been believed if she had remained alive.
“Yes I loved her, yes she could be very funny, and there were times I felt privileged to have a private audience with such a great comic talent. But she was also a very troubled person and nowhere did that manifest itself more than in our relationship.”
He further said Aherne, tried to “brainwash” him with negative comments before becoming physically abusive.
Describing the start of the violence, he wrote: “She attacked me, using her nails to scratch at my neck, tearing off my necklace and ripping my top. It was proper shocking stuff.
“And although she was really contrite the next morning it marked the beginning of some serious screaming-banshee behaviour – putting cigarettes out on my arm, attacking me with bottles, knives, chairs and other assorted furniture.
“It would be set off by the slightest thing – talking or looking at another woman was a favourite.”
Public image is a false image
Having watched The Royal Family (although I was never really a true fan) you marry up the image of the character with how you perceive them to be. Perhaps this is where my concerns arise with the blonde hair and blue eyes of my ex. The public persona does not match the private character of a bitter and dangerous woman.
The dictionary definition of persona states;
The aspect of someone’s character that is presented to or perceived by others.
I’m hoping that a magistrate will see though her public persona in contrast to the police who failed.
Although I have very little faith in a system that had let me down when I needed them