A Happy Goodbye to 2017.

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I recall a conversation many years ago whilst studying for my A levels. During this conversation we were discussing a psychology experiment that had a long-term effect upon the patient. This particular patient had been brought up to believe the opposite of what was indeed fact. For example, this child (we shall call her ‘XY’) was told that black is white and visa-versa. Unfortunately, I just cannot recall the name of this experiment, but the eventual outcome was that XY ultimately killed herself in her early adulthood. But what was even more tragic was that XY was the daughter of the man carrying out the experiment.


Okay, so what has this got to do with the dawning of a new year? Well the comparison is very similar to the last few years and in particular the year I have just bid a farewell to.

…Enemy of the State

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression A Happy Goodbye to 2017.

We are all growing and adapting to the changes and developments around us in one way or another. Like XY you assume the world around you is how it is because we have been led to believe that this is so. If we marry this thought process with the famous quote by Josef Goebbels stating the value of a lie we can probably understand better.

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”

An untruth is not just a story

For me I have spent the majority of 2017 realising fact from fiction. Perhaps fiction is too weak a word because fiction in this sense is an untruth and not just a story. The facts were there for show and did not suit the purpose of which they had been created for. 2017 has exposed that the English Legal System is corrupt and innocents does not secure your rightful freedom. 2017 has also opened the casket of recognising that men also suffer with depression as recent television documentaries have shown willing to touch upon such subjects.

It has often been said that there is a book within each of us and 2017 has been that story for me. The start of 2017 was a slight discomfort culminating into a rush of events leading from other events. Yet who would have thought that twelve months later I would be sitting here analysing what the last year had been like? For many it is another year but for me it has been a revelation.

Equality is not an equal

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression A Happy Goodbye to 2017.

Like child XY I had been led to believe over so many years that the democratic and liberal society I was born and raised in does not actually exist. What else was there to learn? I learnt that as a male victim I did not have the same rights or protection as my female equivalent. Yet, even as a victim I was not afforded the same consideration, protection and, as I found out the same equality in law.

You can’t polish it but it can be rolled in glitter

Perhaps 2018 will afford me greater riches on knowledge. I am more aware now that the streets that I walk and the thoughts that I have are no longer the same as they were before. I have confidence in saying that male victims are at a disadvantage. It doesn’t make it right, but I am not fooled by the ‘smoke and mirrors’ that have been created by the authorities to paint a picture that doesn’t resemble the facts as they are.

The issues associated with mental health have also had a clean sweep. I have managed to stand tall and inwardly scream that it is okay. I have come to accept that the reality of having depression is as real as the size of my feet or the colour of my eyes. They are what they are and I am who I am. And for people to accept these factors I need to accept them within myself. For once, 2017 has allowed this to happen. And it’s good, it works well.

A new broom sweeps clean

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression A Happy Goodbye to 2017.

I suppose that the start of a new year can sweep away old thoughts of what I perceived to be right. I am certainly stronger in the knowledge that if any victim of abuse or depression approached me I could afford to give them the knowledge that 2017 gave me. And although the facts are far from pretty the strength I have gained from it could make anyone cope. 2017 has given me new friends with the same backgrounds and experiences that I had endured. And these are good friends I would not have met otherwise.

I have also learnt to pick and choose who I want in my life and this factor will last into 2018 and no doubt, beyond. So yes, 2018 is going to be a better year. Because it has to be.

Resolutions not revolutions


I’ve never been one to make new years resolutions as I am fully aware that the changing of a date should never come with unrealistic or (perhaps) unobtainable goals. But, whilst I reflect I think I had made plans for 2018 way back in May when everything I knew had turned on its head.

So if we recall child XY. We have both had a realisation that things were not so. I am also sure that child XY also attempted to gain some form of perspective. And alas, death became inevitable. Child XY took her own life in a terrible and tragic way. But for me the demise of 2017 has created a funeral pyre of false realities, unrealistic expectations and fake beliefs. But I am actually okay with this because whatever outcome or result that 2018 will bring I know it has been my own efforts that have achieved them – it has not been done with the support of (a lack of) male refuges or (the lack of) police support and help. I have also accepted that there is nothing offensive about taking medication.

Knowledge is strength (regardless of what it is)

Keith's Story - Male Victim of Domestic Abuse & Depression A Happy Goodbye to 2017.

So what am I saying to you, the reader? Well regardless of how 2017 has been I am sure that it has educated you into finding a new element about yourself – whether good or bad. Any form of learning has to be seen as positive. 2018 will ensure (I hope) that we will have learnt from those mistakes we had made, said or done.

So yes, I wish you all a happy new year. I hope that 2018 will furnish you with a better understanding thus making you a better person.

With kind thoughts and best wishes to you all





3 Replies to “A Happy Goodbye to 2017.”

  1. Hi Keith, Well written and and the truth ever spoken! You said recently that after such an experience you are left with the ‘finger pointers’. How true for me having been aquitted and found not guilty, but expected to take a restraining order for no reason. Picking up the assult charge I registered last year now my case is dismissed. At my local police station the police woman on the desk could not be more helpful. After several minutes of help then returning to the front desk her first words ‘you have a restraining order’. All help suddenly becomes third class! I continue to persue my complaint to the IPCC and CPS. Your site has helped and encouraged me to seek the truth. Like you hoping to have learnt from our experiences and making us stronger. Happy New Year : )

    1. Hello Graham
      I think people are still generally quite ignorant when it comes to legal matters – that’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is. The ‘finger pointing’ in this case shows the level of ignorance. Okay, a restraining order has been granted, but it can only ever be given to the defendant. But Graham, I want you to look at this in a different light. The restraining order also protects you from your ex. If she tries or indeed, does make contact you can call the police (for what they are worth) and she will be arrested. Just make sure you keep evidence. Furthermore, you don’t need to declare it anyway.
      I am still awaiting replies from the police and CPS about my counter claims. If you recall I gave examples of their wrong doings from their own policies and procedures. Hence, they can only reply with I am right or their policies have been wrongly applied. Either way, I want some recognition of their incompetence. I managed to get letters of admittance from two social services and so it is a question of time before I hear from the police and CPS. Failing this I have made contact with The Daily Mail to go public and create as much embarrassment as possible.
      I am aware that we should move on and put it all down to experience. Yet my fight is not with my ex but now with the corruption and unprofessionalism of the authorities who do not practice what they preach. This is now where my anger rests.
      I know that this time next year these events will start to fade but I will be able to sleep in the knowledge I did my best to right a wrong for the next generation of victims.
      Like you, we have survived (just) and 2018 will be a new year of greater knowledge and new experiences based on what we have learnt and what we are willing to put up with. Graham, I really wish you and yours a happy 2018 and I also welcome you into my circle of good friends.

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